Why am I Not Enough?

Have you ever seen a baby look at themselves in the mirror for the first time? I remember watching my cousin Bryson crawl to a mirror, pull himself up and be in awe at this image that was looking back at him. I watched with a smile because I wanted to know what was going on in his head. What were his thoughts trying to put together to let him know that that’s not another person mimicking what he’s doing, it is actually him. He smiled and slobbered and playfully fought (ha ha yes, he was throwing cute messy punches at the mirror) at the image that was being projected back at him. Question, why do we not have this same child like wonder looking at ourselves 10, 20, 30 years later? 
Being the true millennial that I am always referred to being, I sat and got sucked in a daytime talk show rabbit hole on YouTube. The conversations that hit me hardest were conversations about being cheaters. Who would have known that feelings began to arise? Oh yes, everyone! Ha ha. Yet, it had me thinking back to a very toxic relationship I was in a few years ago. Infidelity was a major issue, (among other things that we ain’t gone talk about) and after all the screaming and arguing and throwing things settled, I asked him point blank, ‘Why am I not enough?’ For the first time that entire night, he was silent. We both stared into each others eyes, tears flowing. ‘I STILL NEED AN ANSWER! Sir, why am I not enough for you?’ He wiped his eyes, infamously kissed me on my forehead (**eye roll**) and left. I fall to the ground in a river of tears, left to wonder why I am never enough. 

When does the tide turn in our lives to where we nitpick at every little thing about ourselves? When did we stop loving ourselves and really cared about how others seen us?  When that relationship finally came to a final end, I made a promise to God that I would NEVER let a man verbally abuse me EVER again. You would think I would be happy and able to pick myself back up again…WRONG! I fell into a deep deep depression, so much so that I did not want to look at myself in the mirror. I just stayed home in the dark and cried. Quit talking to my friends and stayed off of Facebook (since that was honestly THE only form of social media back then! I’m showing my age, right?) Went to church legit for like an hour, rushed home and cried. I wanted nothing to do with the world because it felt like the world wanted nothing to do with me. That to me was the beginning of a downward slope in life. 

As young women of this crazy mixed up crazy world, why are we not more supportive of each other? Why are we constantly vying for the same spotlight? We all are not going to be good at the same things. There will always be someone better at whatever it is you are going to do, however Y O U are still chosen, anointed and appointed with those God given talents for others to see God through what you do. 

I don’t want to come off too preachy, but God L O V E S you! And yes, I am talking to myself as well! I feel like God looks at His people and falls in love over and over again, whispering you are enough! Just remember this, when you are feeling down and like you are the alone, you are enough. If you ever feel like you are below the bottom of the barrel, you are enough. If you ever have anxiety and depression and you can’t get out of bed, YOU! ARE! ENOUGH! 2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT “And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” 

Just know, dear reader, I am always here for you. In prayer and agreement with all you may be going through. I, myself, may be going through life as well, but I do not want you to feel like you are going through this life alone. I Peter 2:9 says “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” I want to be a person that you can talk to! I never want you to feel alone. TALK TO ME! Hit me up on Instagram: marvetteg89 and Snapchat: marvetteg. Thanks for taking a stroll into My So-Called MARVelous Life! Ciao!  XOXO💋💋💋

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